From prostitution to plane tickets, gas prices to vehicle maintenance, sex does not often come for free. For those financially lucky enough to find themselves amidst convenient geographically located partners, the cost of sex is not likely something being considered. Still, for many, whether they are aware or unaware of the financial implications of getting laid, sex equates to dollars. So, what is the appropriate price to pay for a good lay? And at what point does the cost of a one-night stand simply outweigh the benefit?
Many factors play a role in determining what price point is appropriate for your sexual escapades (one’s individual financial situation, convenience, comfort, etc), and of course, there are exceptions to the cost and benefits of sex, specifically for partners in long-distance relationships. But I am here to outline what I have determined to be a great rule of thumb for the girls (and the gays) when it comes to deciding whether or not a casual weiner-ing is worth a dent in your wallet. It is simple: When the price of getting to your partner exceeds the price of a good old-fashioned vibrator, you should just stay home.
Silly as this may sound, let me assure you there is a method to the madness. In 2022, a survey of almost 2,000 people determined that 42 percent of those who chose to invest in personal pleasure toys (excluding those who spent nothing) spent over $100 on devices, while all other participants reported spending less. Some English-major style number crunching on my end determined that, according to the survey, those who indulge will spend around $50 on sex toys in a given year. (Many other factors would play a role in determining a more accurate dollar amount, for example, the longevity of those toys). So, for the sake of my argument, let’s say that a vibrator costs around $50. By this logic, spending anything over $50 in gas, Ubers, plane or bus tickets, etc. to get to and from a sneaky link is too much. Why spend hard-earned cash on an in-the-flesh penis when a hardy piece of silicone with a waterproof battery can help you achieve the same end goal? And with a better stamina record. You shouldn’t.
Now, not only do I personally believe that $50 is far too much to spend on a potential orgasm (all power and no judgment to those who are willing to shell out up to there) but you’ll actually never catch me spending even a fraction of that. Here’s why: If the average vibrator costs $50 but lasts at least one year, that brings the cost of each orgasm produced by said vibrator far below a dollar, at least in my case. So, if my DIY orgasm is valued at less than 50 cents, why would I let go of more than that to travel to a penis? I wouldn’t.
Further, I turn to the wage gap. As of 2022, women working full-time in the US make an average of 84 cents for every dollar earned by a man, and this gap is not projected to close until 2088; 64 years from now. This being the case, the next logical conclusion would be that men, having a 16 percent monetary advantage, should be the ones traveling to women in 2024. However, maybe it’s just me, but the last thing I want is a man, especially a causal hookup, in my temple of a home; My beautifully curated bedroom is not their place. Instead, I believe that men should be paying for the transportation of their sexual partners to and from their place of residence.
However you crunch the numbers to feel good about traveling for a penis is your prerogative and, in this grand era of women supporting women, I will never judge another for the dollar amount they’re willing to shell out on getting laid. Girls gotta do what a girls gotta do. All of this is simply to justify that I will never pay a single cent for casual sex, and if a man doesn’t have the awareness to pay for my method of transit to his unfurnished, navy blue sheets shag palace, there will be always another one who does. So ladies: Go forth, get laid and stay financially smart.
Grace Elmore is a student at Cornell University. Comments can be sent to [email protected]. Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby runs during alternate Sex on Thursdays this semester.
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